So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
