I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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