so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
