I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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