I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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