Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
