Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
