i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
