really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
