I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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