I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
