shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
