4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
