filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
