I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
