I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
