i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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