Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
