Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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