it wasn't lemon gatorade
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
