she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
