guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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