i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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