they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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