Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
