my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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