so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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