Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
