Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
