He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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