Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
false alarm. still invincible.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
