why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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