apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
