the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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