If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
