It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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