Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
