Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
