Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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