my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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