How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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