Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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