I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
