Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
