Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she woke up with a sticky ear
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
