if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
