Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
