I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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