I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
