3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
