God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
