last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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